5/21/2018 7 Comments A Father's giftThis Father’s Day was not what I expected it would be. I expected it would be like so many before it where I would celebrate my dad during our family beach trip to Hilton Head – most assuredly sitting on the beach for happy hour with cold beers in hand as we watched the boys run back and forth and eventually tackle each other in a pile of sand and bare feet. After the sun set, we would meander back to our rooms and dress for dinner. Dad would have something to grill and I would go too to keep him company. We’d steal a few moments chatting about nothing in particular and everything that mattered most surrounded by live oaks and turtles and the last dim lights of the day. He would have switched to white wine now in his Yeti with a few ice cubes thrown in because he couldn’t even trust the Yeti guys to keep his wine as cold as he wanted it.
We were supposed to sit down on the balcony with music playing and the floor lamp rigged for just enough light to know we weren’t eating something that could crawl or fly. Then we would eat and laugh about the day and remember funny stories about Dad – like when he played softball well into his 40s. One memorable game he dove for home dislocating his shoulder but stayed to finish the game and fielded the ball with his good arm until the win was secured and he could head to the Emergency Room. I already had his Father’s Day card picked out. I had bought it last year when I couldn’t decide between two I really liked and got them both. I thought I’d just hold onto it for this year. This Father’s Day wasn’t what I expected it to be at all. I didn’t expect that the dizziness he was feeling in January would lead to a diagnosis of a terrible brain disease that had no treatment, no cure. I didn’t expect to be saying good-bye to my strong, healthy, energetic father on February 15. Yet, amidst a profound sadness – the depths of which I didn’t know I could survive – I had another father to celebrate yesterday. The father of my children whose love is big and powerful and complete - just like my Dad's was. All throughout my childhood I felt adored and celebrated by my father, far beyond what I deserved. Every little girl should grow up feeling that cherished and protected. Every little girl should see her father’s face light up when she enters the room – at age 2 and at age 42. My father believed I had some inherent greatness and as the insecurities set in, as the self-doubt and constant self-recrimination crept up, I could always return to the undeniable truth that Dad believed in me and I had the strength to try again to be the person he thought I was. This, I am realizing, all relates to the father I am sitting beside today. This man who can make me laugh until milk is coming out of my nose. The one who delights in my irreverent humor and knows more sports trivia than seems humanly possible. I realize that my father prepared me, led me, to this man by teaching me how I could be loved. He too lights up when I enter a room, even now with graying hair and crows feet. He nurtures and protects and cherishes me and our precious boys. When I dream big he says, "how can I help?". When I crumble up in a ball and cry over life's hardest moments, he strokes my hair and listens long after he should have to. And boy did my dad love him too – for all these things and so much more. This Father's Day wasn't what I expected but as I sat with tears falling, my hand was being held tightly, tenderly and I silently thanked my dad for this gift - for the map to this place.
7 Comments
Mom
6/18/2018 03:09:16 pm
A loving and beautifully written tribute to Dad and Mike. It is a rare and precious blessing to have known the deep, unwavering love of both your father and your husband. This kind of love fortifies and protects us always. It gives us strength even as we face unbearable grief. Thank you for sharing your thoughts as we mourn Dad's absence on this Father's Day and at the same time celebrate Mike's continuing gifts to our family.
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Tyler Cunningham
6/19/2018 12:54:18 pm
You continue to show me new levels of strength to emulate and grace to admire. I love you with my whole heart.
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Cara
6/18/2018 07:01:44 pm
Beautiful, Tyler. Touching. You have a such talent.
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Tyler Cunningham
6/19/2018 12:55:04 pm
Thank you Cara for your continued friendship.
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Lisa Kirkpatrick
6/19/2018 11:58:23 am
So beautifully written. What an amazing tribute to both of the special men in your life. Thank you for sharing your words and showing your soul!!!
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Tyler Cunningham
6/19/2018 12:56:44 pm
Thank you for your kind words Lisa. Wishing you well...
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Terry
6/22/2018 04:54:29 pm
Your words have touched my heart. What a lovely tribute to your wonderful family. I am so blessed to have enjoyed your dad's friendship. Love to you all.
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aboutWelcome to my blog Photos + Footnotes. I am Tyler Cunningham and I love taking pictures. It is the best way I know how to express myself and my view of the world. It's when I'm behind the camera that I'm most comfortable. I see colors and details, I observe connections between people. I see joy and pain, abundance and poverty. I am my least judgmental behind the lens, simply seeing and recording. It is how I process the abundance of information the world throws at me. ArchivesCategories |
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